Swinging coercion: 50 women tell BBC they were pressured into sex with strangers

Fifty women have told the BBC they were coerced by their partners into swinging — being pushed into sexual encounters with strangers they didn’t want and hadn’t genuinely agreed to. The accounts, gathered over several months, describe a pattern of pressure, emotional manipulation, and in some cases outright threats that left women feeling they had no real choice.

What the women described

The testimonies span women aged between 24 and 58, from across the UK. Many said their partners initially framed swinging as a mutual fantasy before gradually increasing pressure when they expressed reluctance. Several described being taken to swinging clubs or private events without fully understanding what was expected of them.

One woman, who asked to remain anonymous, said her partner told her she was being “frigid” and “controlling” whenever she refused. Another described being silent during encounters because she felt frozen, and said her partner later insisted her silence had meant consent.

But it wasn’t always that explicit. Some women said the coercion was subtle — sulking, withdrawal of affection, repeated requests that wore them down over weeks or months. And that, experts say, is precisely what makes it so difficult to identify.

Is this recognised as abuse?

Under the Serious Crime Act 2015, coercive and controlling behaviour in intimate relationships is a criminal offence in England and Wales, carrying a maximum sentence of five years. Sexual coercion within a relationship can fall under this legislation. Yet prosecutions remain rare, and many victims don’t realise what happened to them constitutes a crime.

This is a problem advocates have been raising for years.

“Many women don’t come forward because they blame themselves or they don’t think anyone will believe them,” said a spokesperson for a UK-based domestic abuse charity. “When sex is involved and it’s something like swinging, there’s an added layer of shame that perpetrators often exploit.”

The broader pattern of sexual coercion

The BBC’s findings aren’t isolated. A 2023 survey by Refuge found that 1 in 5 women in the UK had experienced sexual coercion from a partner. Still, coercion that takes place in non-traditional sexual contexts — such as swinging or open relationships — tends to receive less attention from both law enforcement and support services.

Campaigners argue that the framing of swinging as inherently consensual has, in some cases, been weaponised by abusive partners to deflect accountability. Saying “she agreed to the lifestyle” becomes a ready-made defence.

What happens next

Several of the 50 women told the BBC they are now considering making formal complaints to police, though many expressed doubt about being taken seriously. Advocacy groups are calling on the Crown Prosecution Service to issue clearer guidance on how coercion within swinging or open relationship contexts should be handled.

The BBC said it had approached several men named in the accounts for comment. None responded before publication.